Why Male Friends Are Not Enough

If we have ever been hurt by a woman, it can sometimes seem a lot easier to hang out with guys. They tend to not gossip as much. They tend to not be so critical. They are not usually as competitive with a woman in their midst as they may be with a man. If they are a wise man they do not compare us to other women, and that makes us feel free when we are around them. So it is easy to see why some women prefer to build relationships with guys.

However there are some problems with having just guy friends. First of all most men want sex, unless of course they are gay. Then they are having girl time to try and be more girl-like. But most men have sexual needs and hanging out with a woman is in some way feeding that need. They are either fantasizing about it secretly biding their time, or they are liking the looks of being a “lady killer” by hanging out with women.

I remember twice in my life having a friendship with a man who was older than me. Both times the man said that he just wanted to be my friend. He said he did not want anything from me. Both times the men were later found to be liars. When they felt that they had given enough friendship to the relationship and they felt that I now owed them something it seemed a good idea to bring up the “sex” thing. Both spoke of taking the relationship to a new level.

The fact is that men are sexual creatures. They can’t help it. Testosterone rules their brains. So it is hard for them to separate things into nice neat compartments and easier for us as women to be aware that they think that way and work with it. That is one of the reasons it is better to have a friendship with a woman. Unless she is a lesbian she is not going to turn the friendship into a sexual thing.

If you ever wonder if your male “friend” might be thinking that way, just ask him. “Heh, dude, I was thinking. Let’s have sex to release our stress. It won’t mean anything.” Then you will see real quick that your “friend” has other things on his mind, as he just about jumps out of his skin to comply. It is a very rare male friend who will say, “Ah, I don’t think so. I just want to be friends.”

I am sure that there will be some men who read this and they will say, “I don’t think you are being fair with men. I have more integrity than that!” Well, I hope that you do, and I would be really glad to know you if you do, but you are a rarity. There are always a few exceptions to every rule, but if I care at all about women I will share the statistical facts not the rare exceptions, because the reality is that most men want sex. If I tell them any different I am setting them up for failure. Just look at your male friends and associates and be honest with yourself.

There are other reasons as well why men and women make poor friends. When a woman shares her heart with her friend she becomes emotionally attached to her friend. She can actually initiate something called a “soul tie” by sharing herself emotionally with a male friend. She starts to feel “He really listens to me.” As she does this, a romantic interest that was not there before begins to form. That is fine if it a man that you want to build a romantic relationship with, but for a married woman this is a dangerous compromise. We begin to feel that our new “friend” cares more for us than our husband, and the door way comes open to marital break up.

Statistically men fall into sexual sin more because of visual temptation. The internet provides visual stimulation that captures their eyes and they can become quite addicted to that. On the average most women are less stimulated by the visual and are really drawn to the emotional sounds of a voice, or that which is written down. That is why chat-rooms and telephone calls between “friends” are having such a disastrous effect on marriages. Think about it. How many women have you heard of running away from their husband because they met someone online in a chat-room?

Relationships between women can be wholesome and helpful. When we just have male friendships we really limit ourselves. We miss out on advise that could help us raise our kids. We don’t have anyone speaking into our lives that really knows what we are going through in our times of life changes. We think we are all alone and that nobody has ever really been where we are at. Sure we miss some of the struggles of making friends with women, but we also do not grow in character because struggle is what builds character. As well we miss out on the joys of sisterhood. That is something that once we find it, we wonder, “How did I ever live without it?”